26.2

In March I blogged about wanting to run a marathon. It’s funny, that seems like forever ago. But this past weekend was the marathon. And it went a little differently than I had envisioned.

I went into thinking… well, not thinking that it would be easy. But I had no idea just how hard it would be. I know I could have trained better. I ran into some unexpected obstacles this summer that set me back, and I made some excuses. I’ve always been fairly athletically inclined, though, and I’m used to succeeding when I put my mind to something. So I underestimated it.

My goal was simple: to run the whole thing. I didn’t want to walk. And if I’m being honest, I had a time in my head, too. A time that was attainable if I did run the entire course. As I’m sure you’ve guessed, though, I didn’t run the whole thing. Have you ever had those days when you just feel good, when you feel like you could run forever? Well Saturday was definitely not one of those days for me. I ran until mile 13, and then I bonked. Hard. I hit a wall, and never pushed through.

I did finish. But I finished almost an entire hour later than I had hoped.

Part of me wants to be disappointed. Part of me is ashamed of how slowly I did it. How difficult could it be to keep jogging, even at a slow pace? Apparently a lot harder than I gave it credit for. I guess I’m just not used to failing to reach my goals… A trend that is starting to become more common in my endeavors.

This is where Jake comes in and shakes me silly to knock some sense into me. (Figuratively, of course.) When something I try to doesn’t turn out exactly right, he points out all the good things that came of it. When I talk about how far I still want to go and how it feels like I’ll never get there, he reminds me of how far I’ve come. And when I want to be disappointed in myself and embarrassed to admit that it took me 5 hours and 11 minutes to finish a marathon, he tells me that he’s proud of me because I did finished, I didn’t quit, even though I wanted to. (Many times. Haha.)

I’m slowly starting to learn that my best is enough. Things might not turn out exactly how I want them too, as fast or as glamorous as I expect. But when I am discouraged by it, the only person I’m letting down is myself. Jake, my parents, my family and my closest friends, the people that mean the world to me, they’re all proud. And that’s what matters most.

My mom took this picture of us. Mile 16, the last big incline of course, Jake jumped in to help me make it through. I’m pretty sure that was the only time I smiled during the whole race. Haha. But I wanted to say thank you, to my mom, to Chris, to Alyssa and Michelle and my dad, and everyone else who supported me through this. And especially thank you to Jake. I honestly couldn’t have done it without you. I love you all.

Here’s to succeeding, even if it’s a little differently than you planned.